Meet Susie.
At about 45 years old, she stands approximately 5’4” tall, has a medium build, long, black hair, is native Alaskan, and has narrow, deep brown eyes.
At age 18 she worked at a Bible camp in Alaska. Her post was the kitchen: their she baked what are rumored to be epic dinner rolls in mass quantities for hungry campers. She baked and catered for the camp, serving others through her work. After completing her job there, she attended Multnoma Bible School for a year. She knows her Bible well.
She has four children. Two of them are honors students making straight A’s. Their pictures are on her phone and she shows them to whoever is willing to look. She loves them dearly. She wishes they didn’t have to grow up.
Susie lives in the woods. She carries all her belongings in a single blue bag small enough to be slung over her shoulder. One of the shoulder straps is broken. She owns three pairs of jeans, three tshirts, a jacket, a long-sleeve shirt, and two pairs of shoes.
Every time my mom hears that a homeless person has been found dead on the streets, she prays it isn’t Susie.
Her boyfriend abuses her.
She’s afraid of going “home”.
But she’s afraid of staying away.
Susie held me as a baby, thinks my older brother is the most handsome thing to walk this earth, loves my mom’s chocolate chip cookies and deep-dish, Chicago style pizza, and cannot get over how my little sister Sara, the baby of the family, is no longer a baby.
Susie was in my home for one hour today. We picked her up after a series of phone conversations revealed her location in a park a short drive away. She hadn’t eaten in three days. We took her food, and she quickly gave in to coming home with us. While apologizing for the alcohol on her breath, she told us about her kids, admired how big my brother and I had grown, and talked about the old times when she worked with my mom at camp.
We had convinced her to spend the night - my bed was prepared for her to sleep in, I was nearly ready to start a load of laundry with her clothing in it, and there was a hot cup of soup waiting upstairs. She went down to the shower convinced she would spend the night. She came back up afraid she would be beat for not going home.
As quickly as she came, she was gone. Her bag wasn’t big enough to stuff all the supplies we wanted to in it, but we tried. Most importantly, I placed a small, ESV Bible on top. My mom had owned that Bible before me, and it was a joy to pass on to her. When we gave the Bible to her, the first thing she did was smell it. She held it tenderly, and started to cry. She hadn’t owned a Bible in years.
We dropped her off where we had found her. She didn’t want to go. We tried to convince her to stay. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She didnt.
When Susie called this evening (she calls quite often, and is most often intoxicated), my first instinct was to spring into action. I packed up food, told my mom I would be more than willing to go with her to the park (it wasn’t safe for only one of us to go alone), and didn’t think twice about the project I was in the middle of.
On the way there, we discussed the possibility of Susie spending the night. More than likely she would be drunk. She couldn’t be in the house alone, and would need a ride around town in the morning if she was finally going to get help. She would need a caretaker and a helper. My mom has to work, but my schedule for the weekend is free, so I volunteered quite willingly. I wanted to see her off the street and safe.
Those were my first inticts. Serve the poor. Love the needy among you. Seize the opportunities God places before you to help others. Sure! I want to do that. My heart breaks for the homeless. I want to do something. I need to do something.
But what were my second thoughts? Of those, I am most ashamed. I began to think about my plans for the weekend. I began to think about giving up my bed. I began to think of all the statistics homework I was planning on getting done with my day off. I began to think about sacrificing my money and my time. And a small part of me began to hope that she wouldn’t want to stay for the weekend. And if I wasn’t on the verge of tears before, those thoughts of apathy pushed me right over the edge.
I cried as Susie left the car. I cried when I saw how much she loved my mom and wanted to prove herself to her. I cried as I watched my mom’s heart break for her friend she’s been trying to help for thirty years. I cried when Susie wept over the precious Bible she had been given. I cried because all of her possessions reeked of urine. I cried because she thinks this man she is living with loves her. I cried because she’s tried to change many times before and has failed each time. I cried to see her limp into the woods. And I cried when I realized that while most of me wants to do something about it, some of me wants to serve myself.
Meet Elizabeth.
At 19 years of age, she stands at approximately 5’6.5”, has brown hair and blue eyes, owns more clothing than she can wear in a month, eats three meals a day, lives in a warm home and is attending a private university in Texas. She gives her money to good causes when she has a little extra, has always owned at least two Bibles, and doesn’t know what it feels like to go to bed hungry because she didn’t have a choice.
Elizabeth serves the Lord when it’s most convenient for her, although she does wish she was more involved in helping the poor. However, she lacks the time to make these wishes a reality. Her intentions are almost all good, though, and she prays for the poor and homeless nearly every day.
Meet Susie. Meet Elizabeth. Meet two different worlds.
Meet two missions fields.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
lighter
I'm home for the summer. It's been beautiful seeing the mountains every day, having coffee with my parents in the morning, catching up with friends, working on projects, and enjoying the beauty of God's creation.
However, being home isn't completely peachy keen. There seem to be sides of my character that only come out when I'm around my family members. This is most likely because I am most comfortable with my family, and know them well. Unfortunately, these characteristics aren't all good. In fact, sin that I've struggled with for years seems to rise up in my heart. This sin hurts my relationship with my family (certain members particularly), my relationship with God, and is quite discouraging.
What do I do about it? How do I address this sin? I prayed...and prayed. And prayed some more. I felt like I had two options.
Option 1: I could will change in my heart by forcing it. I had tried this. I had prayed for strength. I prayed that I would be strong enough to deny sin any grounds in my life. And yet I couldn't bring about the change I desired and I knew that God desired for me. This led to extreme frustration. I wanted the change to occur. I wanted to deny this sin a foothold in my life. But every time I failed (and it was fairly often), discouragement set in. Frustration became a familiar feeling.
Option 2: I could pray that God would miraculously change my heart. I would wake up one morning and the sin I struggled with would no longer be an issue. Obviously enough, this never happened.
Well, the frustration grew. The tension between me and my family strengthened, and discouragement set in. I felt like a lost cause, a sinking ship, a hopeless wreck.
I felt very much alone.
Finally...i did it. I approached my dad. I was actually pacing around the livingroom one evening, slightly bored and not wanting to start on my next statistics assignment, when I noticed my dad standing out on the deck behind the house. I hadn't planned to talk about any of this with him. Nope. In fact, that was the last thing I wanted to do. My dad and I are great friends, but over the course of the last few weeks, I had felt a brick wall building up between us. And i didn't have the humility to tear it down.
So in a random spurt of courage, I pulled out two camping chairs, set them down on the deck, and asked my father to take a seat. He did...and it was wonderful.
Well..not the whole time. Frustrations were expressed, tears were shed (curse these emotions), and there were a couple moments when I almost stood up and walked away. But we stuck it out, and I learned a lot.
Once I got pass the general blame shifting, my dad I reached the same page, and I told him about my struggles with certain sin and my heart to change this. And then the real discussion took place. This discussion can be broken into a series of verses that my dad brought up:
Philippians 2:8-10: "Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
God highly values His Son, Jesus. That would make sense...considering Jesus is God. But this is an interesting verse - God so values His Son that He has bestowed Him with incredible honor and glory.
Romans 8:28: "And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."
All things, good and bad, work together for our good and God's glory. Ultimately, every situation we experience is meant to conform us into the image of God's Son, whom he values highly (Phil 2:8-10). I believe that this proves God's immeasurable love for us: God loves us so much that He desires us to be like His Son, whom he treasures and values.
1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
Temptation in this verse has a broader meaning than I expected. The definition includes trial, suffering, hardship...etc. This sin that I've been struggling with definitely falls under this category. What can I conclude from this? That these struggles in my life shouldn't be a source of discouragement, but encouragement. God knows that I am in a place in my life where I can handle, with His strength, this trial. He has decided that I am able to endure it. And he offers all the support I need to stand under it.
So then, these trials, these hardships, these sins I can't seem to get past...they are given to me by God in order to transform me into the image of His Son, whom he treasures and values. Wowser. My dad has said that our greatest form of worship to God is to be transformed into the image of His Son. And I agree.
Ok. So. This was extremely encouraging to me, and I don't know if this is coherent in the least bit. I hope so. This conversation with my dad transformed my thinking about struggles with sin that I face. There is such freedom in Christ! No longer do I need to let discouragement and frustration reign when I fail, which will happen. Instead, I can view these struggles as God deciding that I am able to handle and learn from the situation he has placed me in.
I feel so much lighter.
Not only was this conversation extremely eye-opening, it also restored my relationship with my dad, as well as the rest of my family. No more brick wall.
A friend shared with me this verse:
James 1:2-4: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Thank you, Lord, that you aren't finished with me yet.
However, being home isn't completely peachy keen. There seem to be sides of my character that only come out when I'm around my family members. This is most likely because I am most comfortable with my family, and know them well. Unfortunately, these characteristics aren't all good. In fact, sin that I've struggled with for years seems to rise up in my heart. This sin hurts my relationship with my family (certain members particularly), my relationship with God, and is quite discouraging.
What do I do about it? How do I address this sin? I prayed...and prayed. And prayed some more. I felt like I had two options.
Option 1: I could will change in my heart by forcing it. I had tried this. I had prayed for strength. I prayed that I would be strong enough to deny sin any grounds in my life. And yet I couldn't bring about the change I desired and I knew that God desired for me. This led to extreme frustration. I wanted the change to occur. I wanted to deny this sin a foothold in my life. But every time I failed (and it was fairly often), discouragement set in. Frustration became a familiar feeling.
Option 2: I could pray that God would miraculously change my heart. I would wake up one morning and the sin I struggled with would no longer be an issue. Obviously enough, this never happened.
Well, the frustration grew. The tension between me and my family strengthened, and discouragement set in. I felt like a lost cause, a sinking ship, a hopeless wreck.
I felt very much alone.
Finally...i did it. I approached my dad. I was actually pacing around the livingroom one evening, slightly bored and not wanting to start on my next statistics assignment, when I noticed my dad standing out on the deck behind the house. I hadn't planned to talk about any of this with him. Nope. In fact, that was the last thing I wanted to do. My dad and I are great friends, but over the course of the last few weeks, I had felt a brick wall building up between us. And i didn't have the humility to tear it down.
So in a random spurt of courage, I pulled out two camping chairs, set them down on the deck, and asked my father to take a seat. He did...and it was wonderful.
Well..not the whole time. Frustrations were expressed, tears were shed (curse these emotions), and there were a couple moments when I almost stood up and walked away. But we stuck it out, and I learned a lot.
Once I got pass the general blame shifting, my dad I reached the same page, and I told him about my struggles with certain sin and my heart to change this. And then the real discussion took place. This discussion can be broken into a series of verses that my dad brought up:
Philippians 2:8-10: "Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
God highly values His Son, Jesus. That would make sense...considering Jesus is God. But this is an interesting verse - God so values His Son that He has bestowed Him with incredible honor and glory.
Romans 8:28: "And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."
All things, good and bad, work together for our good and God's glory. Ultimately, every situation we experience is meant to conform us into the image of God's Son, whom he values highly (Phil 2:8-10). I believe that this proves God's immeasurable love for us: God loves us so much that He desires us to be like His Son, whom he treasures and values.
1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
Temptation in this verse has a broader meaning than I expected. The definition includes trial, suffering, hardship...etc. This sin that I've been struggling with definitely falls under this category. What can I conclude from this? That these struggles in my life shouldn't be a source of discouragement, but encouragement. God knows that I am in a place in my life where I can handle, with His strength, this trial. He has decided that I am able to endure it. And he offers all the support I need to stand under it.
So then, these trials, these hardships, these sins I can't seem to get past...they are given to me by God in order to transform me into the image of His Son, whom he treasures and values. Wowser. My dad has said that our greatest form of worship to God is to be transformed into the image of His Son. And I agree.
Ok. So. This was extremely encouraging to me, and I don't know if this is coherent in the least bit. I hope so. This conversation with my dad transformed my thinking about struggles with sin that I face. There is such freedom in Christ! No longer do I need to let discouragement and frustration reign when I fail, which will happen. Instead, I can view these struggles as God deciding that I am able to handle and learn from the situation he has placed me in.
I feel so much lighter.
Not only was this conversation extremely eye-opening, it also restored my relationship with my dad, as well as the rest of my family. No more brick wall.
A friend shared with me this verse:
James 1:2-4: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Thank you, Lord, that you aren't finished with me yet.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Safety
It was a good weekend. I completed my first IMPACT retreat (aka got to hang out with a bunch of cool kids and learned about God), ran my first half marathon, and went to a Phil Wickham concert - or an awesome time of worship that Phil Wickham led. Those are the best kinds of concerts - the ones where you forget who's actually leading it and focus more on Who it's all ultimately about.
A theme that seemed to show up a couple of times over the weekend was that of safety.
What is safety? Is it financial security for you and your family? A top-notch security system that will protect your home from intruders? Is it wearing your seatbelt in the car, rinsing with flouride to protect your teeth from decay, or locking away your social security card and passport in a fireproof box? Is it a comfortable life in a suburban home where you can't see the homeless man living in a cardboard box over the fence, is it being warm in the winters and cool in the summers? Is it having friends, being happy, getting the job you've always wanted, or achieving some sort of leadership position?
Is being safe being comfortable?
I don't think so. At the IMPACT Retreat, in a closing prayer, one of the leaders prayed that we would leave from there, not safe, but in the center of God's will. Wowser. You mean that car accident that we might have gotten in on the way home could have been a part of God's plan? Physically, we might not always be safe. Just read 2 Corinthians 4 and Hebrews 11. Suffering? Death? Yeah, Christians face that. Every day Christians are imprisoned, suffer, and die for their faith in Jesus Christ. Were they always physically safe? Not by this worlds standards. But were they ever outside of God's perfect plan for their life? I don't believe so.
Phil Wickham sings a song about being safe in God's arms. Safe from discomfort? Safe from pain? Safe from loosing someone you love dearly? Probably not. He wrote the song while experiencing a terribly difficult time in his life. Was he safe from that hurt? Nope.
But we are so safe in an even greater way. We are safe from pain that has no meaning. We are safe from any danger or threat that isn't in God's plan. Every thing has a purpose. Every trial, heartache, uncertainty, problem, temptation, testing, and improbability has a purpose.
Lord, remind me that discomfort in this life cannot be remedied with alarms, bells, or whistles. I'm only safe in your arms.
A theme that seemed to show up a couple of times over the weekend was that of safety.
What is safety? Is it financial security for you and your family? A top-notch security system that will protect your home from intruders? Is it wearing your seatbelt in the car, rinsing with flouride to protect your teeth from decay, or locking away your social security card and passport in a fireproof box? Is it a comfortable life in a suburban home where you can't see the homeless man living in a cardboard box over the fence, is it being warm in the winters and cool in the summers? Is it having friends, being happy, getting the job you've always wanted, or achieving some sort of leadership position?
Is being safe being comfortable?
I don't think so. At the IMPACT Retreat, in a closing prayer, one of the leaders prayed that we would leave from there, not safe, but in the center of God's will. Wowser. You mean that car accident that we might have gotten in on the way home could have been a part of God's plan? Physically, we might not always be safe. Just read 2 Corinthians 4 and Hebrews 11. Suffering? Death? Yeah, Christians face that. Every day Christians are imprisoned, suffer, and die for their faith in Jesus Christ. Were they always physically safe? Not by this worlds standards. But were they ever outside of God's perfect plan for their life? I don't believe so.
Phil Wickham sings a song about being safe in God's arms. Safe from discomfort? Safe from pain? Safe from loosing someone you love dearly? Probably not. He wrote the song while experiencing a terribly difficult time in his life. Was he safe from that hurt? Nope.
But we are so safe in an even greater way. We are safe from pain that has no meaning. We are safe from any danger or threat that isn't in God's plan. Every thing has a purpose. Every trial, heartache, uncertainty, problem, temptation, testing, and improbability has a purpose.
Lord, remind me that discomfort in this life cannot be remedied with alarms, bells, or whistles. I'm only safe in your arms.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
3/17/11
In the past few days, I’ve had a couple of people mention to me that they’ve noticed that I have not posted anything new to my blog lately. Weird. I was fairly convinced that my mother was the only one to read these posts. :) I love you, mom!
I have gone to write something new a couple times, especially during this week of Spring Break. I have time - but sadly, no inspiration. Not that living a life devoted to the Lord is not inspiring…but it’s easier to talk about that for me than to write about it.
Instead of trying to conjure up a deep thought, or writing about what I just read in C.S. Lewis’ ” The Screwtape Letters” (which is amazing, by the way), I thought I’d write about what I’m doing and experiencing right now. And maybe some random thoughts.
Currently, I am sitting in a coffee shop called Bridge 281. It’s about 15 minutes from my school, out a little ways from town. It’s owned and run by the attatched church, and has an amazing environment. Right now The Album Leaf is playing (Bon Iver was on a few moments ago), the lights are low, and I’m sitting on the second level watching the sun go down and the world grow dim.
I’m here with friends - Noelle, my dear confidant, Charles, my faithful friend, Susanne, sweet and encouraging, and Christopher, the brains of the operation.
Today I asked my roommate, Nicole, how her day was. Her quick response was, “Great!”. After a quick moment, she added to that, stating something about every day being a good day. She never has a bad one.
This is not because life is simply peachy keen for her and everyone around her. No, I’ve seen Nicole overloaded, a wee bit stressed, and lot bit tired. I’m fairly certain most people have felt the same on occasion, if not often.
But can we really call those days, “bad days”? Why do I tend to believe that my circumstances must dictate how my day goes or how I think it has gone?
Think about it. When we are in the right position, when we view ourselves as we should, and when we focus on and realize who God is, there is no bad day. There is only a new day to worship Him. There is only a new opportunity to face each circumstance with the purpose of loving God and those He has made and loved Himself.
Oh if I only put into action what I believe or think I believe.
I have gone to write something new a couple times, especially during this week of Spring Break. I have time - but sadly, no inspiration. Not that living a life devoted to the Lord is not inspiring…but it’s easier to talk about that for me than to write about it.
Instead of trying to conjure up a deep thought, or writing about what I just read in C.S. Lewis’ ” The Screwtape Letters” (which is amazing, by the way), I thought I’d write about what I’m doing and experiencing right now. And maybe some random thoughts.
Currently, I am sitting in a coffee shop called Bridge 281. It’s about 15 minutes from my school, out a little ways from town. It’s owned and run by the attatched church, and has an amazing environment. Right now The Album Leaf is playing (Bon Iver was on a few moments ago), the lights are low, and I’m sitting on the second level watching the sun go down and the world grow dim.
I’m here with friends - Noelle, my dear confidant, Charles, my faithful friend, Susanne, sweet and encouraging, and Christopher, the brains of the operation.
Today I asked my roommate, Nicole, how her day was. Her quick response was, “Great!”. After a quick moment, she added to that, stating something about every day being a good day. She never has a bad one.
This is not because life is simply peachy keen for her and everyone around her. No, I’ve seen Nicole overloaded, a wee bit stressed, and lot bit tired. I’m fairly certain most people have felt the same on occasion, if not often.
But can we really call those days, “bad days”? Why do I tend to believe that my circumstances must dictate how my day goes or how I think it has gone?
Think about it. When we are in the right position, when we view ourselves as we should, and when we focus on and realize who God is, there is no bad day. There is only a new day to worship Him. There is only a new opportunity to face each circumstance with the purpose of loving God and those He has made and loved Himself.
Oh if I only put into action what I believe or think I believe.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
(Music)
http://jeffpianki.com
Just what I've been listening to this Sunday afternoon.
I love relaxing Sunday afternoons.
Just what I've been listening to this Sunday afternoon.
I love relaxing Sunday afternoons.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Cleaning out the Closet
This weekend I tried something new. And it was good.
I just started reading this book called "Set Apart Femininity" (don't ask me to say femininity, because I really can't). Half way through the first or second chapter, the author suggests visiting a website and going through a step-by-step cleaning out process. Ok cool. So I get on the website and get started....and I think it changed my life.
The whole idea of this process was to answer a series of questions that led you to evaluate and discover all those little sins in your life that you overlook every single day - the sins you sweep into the closet and pretend aren't there. The sins that you haven't addressed in so long you've forgotten about them. The sins that you didn't even realize were sins.
Lets just say, my idea of who I was and what I had going for me drastically changed this weekend. I now know its true that to have a great view of God's grace, I must have a realistic view of self. I can truly appreciate His grace when I realize the sinful state I'm in. And boy am I at an awfully low state.
Thank you, Lord, for your abundant, undeserved, and most beautiful grace.
I just started reading this book called "Set Apart Femininity" (don't ask me to say femininity, because I really can't). Half way through the first or second chapter, the author suggests visiting a website and going through a step-by-step cleaning out process. Ok cool. So I get on the website and get started....and I think it changed my life.
The whole idea of this process was to answer a series of questions that led you to evaluate and discover all those little sins in your life that you overlook every single day - the sins you sweep into the closet and pretend aren't there. The sins that you haven't addressed in so long you've forgotten about them. The sins that you didn't even realize were sins.
Lets just say, my idea of who I was and what I had going for me drastically changed this weekend. I now know its true that to have a great view of God's grace, I must have a realistic view of self. I can truly appreciate His grace when I realize the sinful state I'm in. And boy am I at an awfully low state.
Thank you, Lord, for your abundant, undeserved, and most beautiful grace.
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