lighter

I'm home for the summer. It's been beautiful seeing the mountains every day, having coffee with my parents in the morning, catching up with friends, working on projects, and enjoying the beauty of God's creation.

However, being home isn't completely peachy keen. There seem to be sides of my character that only come out when I'm around my family members. This is most likely because I am most comfortable with my family, and know them well. Unfortunately, these characteristics aren't all good. In fact, sin that I've struggled with for years seems to rise up in my heart. This sin hurts my relationship with my family (certain members particularly), my relationship with God, and is quite discouraging.

What do I do about it? How do I address this sin? I prayed...and prayed. And prayed some more. I felt like I had two options.

Option 1: I could will change in my heart by forcing it. I had tried this. I had prayed for strength. I prayed that I would be strong enough to deny sin any grounds in my life. And yet I couldn't bring about the change I desired and I knew that God desired for me. This led to extreme frustration. I wanted the change to occur. I wanted to deny this sin a foothold in my life. But every time I failed (and it was fairly often), discouragement set in. Frustration became a familiar feeling.

Option 2: I could pray that God would miraculously change my heart. I would wake up one morning and the sin I struggled with would no longer be an issue. Obviously enough, this never happened.

Well, the frustration grew. The tension between me and my family strengthened, and discouragement set in. I felt like a lost cause, a sinking ship, a hopeless wreck.

I felt very much alone.

Finally...i did it. I approached my dad. I was actually pacing around the livingroom one evening, slightly bored and not wanting to start on my next statistics assignment, when I noticed my dad standing out on the deck behind the house. I hadn't planned to talk about any of this with him. Nope. In fact, that was the last thing I wanted to do. My dad and I are great friends, but over the course of the last few weeks, I had felt a brick wall building up between us. And i didn't have the humility to tear it down.

So in a random spurt of courage, I pulled out two camping chairs, set them down on the deck, and asked my father to take a seat. He did...and it was wonderful.

Well..not the whole time. Frustrations were expressed, tears were shed (curse these emotions), and there were a couple moments when I almost stood up and walked away. But we stuck it out, and I learned a lot.

Once I got pass the general blame shifting, my dad I reached the same page, and I told him about my struggles with certain sin and my heart to change this. And then the real discussion took place. This discussion can be broken into a series of verses that my dad brought up:

Philippians 2:8-10: "Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
God highly values His Son, Jesus. That would make sense...considering Jesus is God. But this is an interesting verse - God so values His Son that He has bestowed Him with incredible honor and glory.

Romans 8:28: "And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."
All things, good and bad, work together for our good and God's glory. Ultimately, every situation we experience is meant to conform us into the image of God's Son, whom he values highly (Phil 2:8-10). I believe that this proves God's immeasurable love for us: God loves us so much that He desires us to be like His Son, whom he treasures and values.

1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
Temptation in this verse has a broader meaning than I expected. The definition includes trial, suffering, hardship...etc. This sin that I've been struggling with definitely falls under this category. What can I conclude from this? That these struggles in my life shouldn't be a source of discouragement, but encouragement. God knows that I am in a place in my life where I can handle, with His strength, this trial. He has decided that I am able to endure it. And he offers all the support I need to stand under it.

So then, these trials, these hardships, these sins I can't seem to get past...they are given to me by God in order to transform me into the image of His Son, whom he treasures and values. Wowser. My dad has said that our greatest form of worship to God is to be transformed into the image of His Son. And I agree.

Ok. So. This was extremely encouraging to me, and I don't know if this is coherent in the least bit. I hope so. This conversation with my dad transformed my thinking about struggles with sin that I face. There is such freedom in Christ! No longer do I need to let discouragement and frustration reign when I fail, which will happen. Instead, I can view these struggles as God deciding that I am able to handle and learn from the situation he has placed me in.

I feel so much lighter.

Not only was this conversation extremely eye-opening, it also restored my relationship with my dad, as well as the rest of my family. No more brick wall.

A friend shared with me this verse:

James 1:2-4: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Thank you, Lord, that you aren't finished with me yet.